Anxiety

I didn’t know insurance could be so difficult to navigate through. In the past few days I’ve been scrambling to find an insurance plan that won’t break the bank and cover my prenatal/postnatal care. A lot of websites require a phone number to get a call from someone to talk about the plan and get a free quote. As someone who suffers from anxiety, this is less than ideal. I’ve been avoiding calls for the past three days from “spammers”, according to my caller ID app.

I’m off my mom’s insurance this July when I turn 26, and if I can find an insurance plan that will let me keep my current OBGYN, that’d be wonderful. The plan my mom has is too expensive for me to get myself. But my fallback insurance is Medi-Cal, so I’m keeping that in mind as I research. I personally had bad experiences with doctors who accept Medi-Cal, so I hesitate to use it.

Aside from insurance, I’m also looking into the Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) program. Unfortunately, my experience thus far has been…disappointing. I went to the local office during opening hours after work and no one was there. Two other women were standing outside just as perplexed as I was. I called the number to see if anyone would answer, but it went to voicemail after a couple rings. I left a message to schedule my first appointment with them and hope to hear back soon.

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Not long ago, I also broke down because of stress due to work and my pregnancy. I confided to my husband that I didn’t want to work anymore, at least not as much as I was currently. I told him I wanted to focus on my pregnancy and be able to rest as much as I needed, but was worried about not contributing as much as I could to our family unit. I said I want to primarily be a housewife and be as available for my child as possible. My husband and I talked about homeschooling so I want to be available for that, too.

Because my husband is the amazing person that he is, he hugged me and let me cry on his shoulder, and said we’ll be alright. After getting myself together, he suggested to work something out with my employer. I talked to them the other day and they are willing to keep me on the team and work with me. I’m a reporter for the paper and they’ve been flexible with me in the past when I first realized I was pregnant and dealing with constant vomiting. Essentially, my primary duties now are reporting once every two weeks for a regular council meeting and being free to choose stories at my own leisure as opposed to being assigned to them. I’ll be making much less money, but it’s never about money for me.

Money is definitely important to survive in society, but I don’t want to focus on that everyday. Not that I’ll spend recklessly; I will remain within a certain budget, save, and spend as less as possible. Certain luxuries will have to be put aside, but as long as we have the basics, we’ll be ok. I can only say that because of my faith in God and my husband. There are lots of uncertainties, and I just give them to God and trust He’ll get us through. I don’t always remember and end up dwelling on all the things causing me anxiety and worry. I try to handle it myself and end up breaking down. But every time I talk to my husband about what’s bothering me and take it to prayer, I feel a bit more at peace. Focusing on the positive and tackling my worries becomes a little easier.

Regarding focusing on the positive, there are certain insurances I found during my search that are Christian related. I never knew such a thing existed! Some don’t call themselves “insurance” and instead call themselves “health share” or something similar. It’s an interesting concept and looks promising, so I’m saving information to talk about with my husband and make a decision together. There’s one insurance I have my eye on and am saving information mostly from them. I’m the only one getting insurance until I’m covered by his in a couple years–his workplace doesn’t allow me to be covered yet. And of course, if nothing else, I can fall back on Medi-Cal.

On my to-do list:

  • Finish outstanding tasks for work
  • Stay hydrated
  • Take a shower